The A-Z of Child Whispering O is for OPPOSITIONAL

Children Fighting In Front Of Mother At Home

What does OPPOSITIONAL mean?

You want the child to do one thing and they want to do the opposite.

Don’t we ALL have this at times? (I’m sure my husband would agree with that one!)

Why do some children become oppositional?

They do it because they don’t want to do what you want them to do. Simple!

What child ever wants to go to bed, pick up their toys, finish vegetables they hate, do boring homework or quietly accompany someone around a long trip to the supermarket, share toys with another kid they don’t like ……… (The list goes on!)

EVERY child in the world has had this so-called disorder at some stage.

Some kids are very strong and independent and really want to try to stand up to you, defy you and get their own way! (Could actually be a rather warped sign of strength and leadership!)

However, kids HAVE to learn to play the “game” and behave.

If parents don’t discipline their children, the world will!

You do know more than your child and you are the boss.

If no rules in the house- children will simply walk over you and demand their own way. They are wired to do this.

  • Make house and class rules and where possible involve children in this process. However, tell the kids about the non-negotiable rules- particularly the ones related to safety.
  • Stick to your rules and don’t threaten. Give a couple of warnings and then apply the consequences. It might be an isolation chair, quiet time in room, cancellation of privileges etc. No matter what you choose- make the consequences clear and STICK to them.
  • Begin straight away – if you ignore constant bad behaviour it just gets worse. It is OK to tell kids you understand how they feel. It is also OK that you tell them that some things are hard but we have to do them! This is part of character building.

You deserve some peace and quiet and you don’t want your home or classroom to be a constant battleground. It doesn’t have to be.

However, make sure you-

  • Do not have unrealistic expectations. Children cannot always be clean, neat and quiet.
  • Check children’s diets as many common foods contain additives that lead to low-level aggression.
  • Allow plenty of non-screen time and ensure they get outside and exercise.
  • Restrict time on digital media- it can lead to irritation and low level aggression.

We now have a label for oppositional behaviour:

Opposition Defiance Disorder (ODD)

Experts tell us that ODD kids might go on to develop Conduct Disorder. (CD)

Is it possible these kids actually have OOCD? (Out of Control Disorder) or NKS ? (Naughty kids syndrome)

This medicalisation of childhood needs to stop.

Take control today.

Crazy Speak

Picture of Victoria Carlton       I was driving home today, listening to a psychiatrist talking about teenagers with mental problems-she stated we need to help young people develop normal mental trajectories. I’ve always considered a trajectory to describe the path of a moving object-how does it get used in this context? Why not say, “normal development” or “mentally healthy?”

There is so much of this “crazy-speak” around and it tends to fog real issues.

Take for instance these 2 disorders- CD- Conduct disorder and ODD- Oppositional Defiance Disorder!

Both the above conditions could more aptly be called NLFD- Needs Loving Firm Discipline!

More and more, professionals use language to elevate themselves and create divides between themselves and their clients.

This is insulting, insensitive and clearly unhelpful to the families and children who need the help of these ego bound professionals!